Guess what?

Well I have some news.  I suppose we all knew that it was coming sooner than later, and probably sooner as I've crossed the 3 month mark.



I have "improved my physical and psychological condition to levels where the hospital staff feels I can be discharged from care."  So I guess that means I am going home.

I suppose I should feel elated.  I mean, I kind of do.  On the other hand, I really don't know what to expect.  I haven't been outside of my room or a few floors in this hospital for a few months now.  I guess maybe I'm anxious or worried about what to expect.  Maybe my expectations or lack of expectations are the problem.  I really don't know what to do with myself at this point.  My mind is racing.

I am supposed to show up to these group meetings to further help me along emotionally.  I don't know about that.  I mean, it is good to talk to someone and all that jazz, but I don't really remember anything of the actual rape itself.  I should count my blessings.  As fucked up as I am I know there are people that were awake and fighting against it that will have to endure those memories.  Still, I can't help but go through a whirlwind of emotions every few hours or so.

I've been mean to a lot of people recently.  Apologies.  I feel like I'm losing my grip on a good number of things and have a long way to go.

In other news, my awesome diet and lack of doing anything (this is my attempt at sarcasm people) has made me look great!  Not really.  I've lost weight and generally feel like shit.  I suppose it shouldn't matter.  I mean, I haven't worn makeup in about two months and that is an indicator that Hell must have frozen over.  Just one more thing to make me feel wonderful about myself.

On the plus side, at least I can stand up and walk around a lot better on my own.