time it appears as though things are getting better, they get worse. I don't mean this in the regular sense...how I feel. I cannot begin to open up emotionally or accept people being genuinely kind to me. I just cannot get there. I immediately break down and begin loathing myself. I often feel like garbage. Just fucking worthless. I can't explain why I feel this way. I just do. It doesn't make any sense. I think I have been emotionally gutted from this whole experience. I'm afraid I will never be able to grasp any sense of humanity I still have. Of course now I begin to fear what will happen next. Will I end up becoming chemically dependent on a drug or something? I sure hope not. Will I end up doing something that is regrettable? Who can really say. I'm sure you guys are all tired of reading about my bullshit, but this is really the only outlet I have. I don't feel like I can actually talk to anyone, including the psych, about what I went through and how I feel, so I post here. I need to take a break. They tell me I'll be released soon. I have no idea what that will bring on. I don't think I'm ready for that yet.
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