Just another day

My spirits seem to be down again.  PT has been rough.  Most days I don't want to go.  It's too
painful.  I've been in pain just laying in my bed for almost two months as it is.  I mean, I want to be able to walk again, but I don't even know what I'd be doing when I get out of here.  I have a feeling I would just coop up inside wherever I'll be living and not do much anyway.  My mind hasn't healed from the rape yet.  I don't think it ever will.  My life has been stolen from me.

My friend Laken tells me that I'll get through this and it just takes time.  I want to believe her.  It's just hard.  I've given up on a lot of things lately.  I'm an emotional rollercoaster too.  I've been letting my emotions get the best of me at times.  I break down every day still.  Sometimes for seemingly no reason at all.  Other times I've found that I just get angry.  I don't know why.  My psych says it is normal, healthy and part of the healing process.  The only problem is I am taking out my anger on the wrong people. I feel like I've pushed some people away.  I don't want to do that to my close friends, which is why I worry about some of my friends, including Laken, of falling into that category.  I'm sure she wouldn't take it the wrong way, she is a great person and friend, but I just don't know if I can handle losing anything else at this point.

I guess I should try to focus on some positive things.  It is a goal that I'm often failing at.  Although I don't want to do PT most days, and it is extremely painful, I am getting better.  I am able to put more weight on my feet and my legs are strengthening.  I'm actually not too far from being self-mobile again.


I'm going to get out of here.